Title: Captain Jack Sparrow and the Revenge of the Tortugan Prostitutes
Author: Carmarthen (lacorneille@earthlink.net)
Fandom/Pairing: Pirates of the Caribbean; Captain Jack Sparrow/Giselle and Scarlett
Disclaimer: It belongs to Disney, not me. Sadly, 'cos I want a swishy gay pirate boyfriend. I make no profit, please don't sue.
Rating: PG for vague sexual innuendo and mostly-nekkid Jack.
Spoilers: For small parts of the movie.
Warnings: Het (after a fashion).
Summary: I think the title's pretty eponymous. A response to a challenge by Kapunua.
Archive: My personal site (http://thewritegirls.populli.net/carmarthen); others ask.
Notes: Kapunua named the terms of the challenge: Must include: 1) A scene in which Jack wakes up nakie on a dock in Tortuga, as Giselle and Scarlet have stolen everything but his effects. 2) Jack saying the line, "Pull, don't twist, ye troublesome wenches," in any context your twisted little hearts desire. 3) Anamaria saying the line, "Interesting way to wear your hat, Captain," in any context your twisted little hearts desire. 4) Jack saying the line, "In any way your twisted little hearts desire."
Must not include: 1) The phrase "kohl-rimmed eyes." 2) Any reference to rum-tasting kisses. 3) Any references to Jack smelling spicy. (Just because I think those references are getting a little tired.) 4) Any deep or sincere angst. I obeyed, aside from changing 'ye' to 'you' because Jack doesn't actually say 'you' in the movie and I am a deeply compulsive person.
Jack Sparrow set his back to the wall, unable to remember the last time he'd faced such foes.
"Er, ladies..."
"'Ello, Jack," Scarlett said, blowing him a kiss. "Haven't seen you in Tortuga for a while."
Jack straightened a bit. "You're not angered at me?"
"Oh, we've forgiven you for that -- haven't we, Giselle?"
"Giselle?" Jack peered at the blonde women suspiciously. "You said that weren't your name."
Giselle shrugged. "I were just trying to shake you up a bit, love. No 'ard feelings?"
Jack's eyes narrowed, but he held out his hands. "No 'hard feelings. You're free to abuse the person of Captain Jack Sparrow at will, ladies."
"Are we, now?" Scarlett put a finger to her lips and turned towards Giselle. "And what should we do with the person of Captain Jack Sparrow now that we've got him, eh?"
"I don't know, Scarlett." Giselle stepped up to Jack and trailed one hand down his chest. "How would you like us, Jack -- Captain Sparrow?"
Jack smirked. "In any way your twisted little hearts desire, love."
Jack woke, naked.
This in itself was not a terribly unusual occurence for a man with as little shame as Jack Sparrow.
He did not, however, normally make it a habit of sleeping naked on docks.
He sat up suddenly, cursed as the sunlight hit him, and then breathed a sigh of relief. His pistols and sword were still there, and, most importantly, his hat. People had no idea how hard it was to find a good hat these days.
Now, to solve the problem of the whereabouts of his clothing. He thought back to the previous night's events; there had been rum. Rather a lot of rum. And wenches!
Yes, definitely wenches. Plural. He distinctly recalled saying Pull, don't twist, you troublesome wenches! at least once, in some context he could mercifully no longer recall.
Rather...familiar wenches. Scarlett and the-one-who-was-probably-named-Giselle. Jack swore, creatively and at length, as realization hit him.
"Bloody wench lied to me," he muttered. "Oh, we've forgiven you for that, Jack," he mimicked in an unconvincing falsetto. "Well, obviously you bloody well hadn't!" he snarled.
"Morning, Jack."
Jack whirled, reaching for his pistol, only to find Gibbs watching him with an expression that looked suspiciously like barely-restrained mirth on his face. "Morning, Gibbs," Jack said, and gently removed his hat and held it in front of his privy parts with as much dignity as he could muster.
"Interesting way to wear your hat, Captain," Anamaria said as she came up behind Gibbs. She wore a full-blown smirk; daft wench didn't even bother to try hiding it.
Gibbs held Jack's coat out. "A couple o' wenches came over to the Pearl this morning with your clothes. Is there something ye've been meaning to tell us, Jack?"
Jack grabbed the coat, turned around, and set himself in order as best he could, finally resettling his hat in its proper place. "All me clothes?" he said. "Where's the rest?"
"They were a bit...rank," Anamaria said, laughter clearly audible in her voice. "Whatever did you 'borrow without asking' from those girls?"
Jack didn't bother to dignify that with a response as he sashayed elegantly -- and half-nakedly -- back to his ship.
Return to Fanfiction by Carmarthen
All text and web design, in regards to thewritegirls.populli.net/carmarthen is Copyright © 2000-2002 "Carmarthen." All other trademarks, characters, pictures, and music cited and contained herein are the property of their respective owners.