Title: Better Than Strawberries (The As You Like It Remix)
Author: Carmarthen (caerfyrddin @ gmail . com)
Fandom/Pairing: Firefly/Serenity; Kaylee/Jayne
Disclaimer: All characters, etc. belong to Joss Whedon, not me.
Rating: PG-13 for somewhat coarse sexual references.
Spoilers: Mild for Serenity (movie).
Timeline: Post-Serenity (movie).
Warnings: Contains het, coarse language, and Jayne being himself.
Summary: "...then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe untied and every thing about you demonstrating a careless desolation..."
Archive: My personal site (http://thewritegirls.populli.net/carmarthen) and the Remix...Redux site; others ask.
Notes: Written for Remix...Redux 2006, We Invented the Remix...Redux IV: I Know What You Did Last Remix. This story remixes AzureMonkey's Better. This was my first and to date only attempt at a Firefly story, and Jayne/Kaylee is not a pairing I can normally see, so I'm not sure how convincingly I handled it. River was fun to write, though.
See after story for further notes and translations. You can also read the story at the Remix website.
for AzureMonkey
thanks to Adri for the Shakespeare concept and Adri and afrai for comments and suggestions
"The pin's loose," River said, causing Jayne to jump and almost break the skinny wrist she'd shoved in his face.
"Gorram it, girl," he growled. "You'll make me drop Vera. She's worth more'n you and your prissy brother put together."
"Jayne has a liking," River said in a singsong voice, twirling around to stand in front of him.
"Shut up." Jayne scrubbed furiously at Vera with his polishing cloth, a cloth that bore a striking resemblance to one of Simon's shirts. He did not have a liking for anyone. It'd just been a long time since little Jayne got any attention that wasn't from Jayne's own hand. That was all.
"I think someone has a liking for Jaaaaayne," River said.
Jayne shot her a look. He was beginning to think he liked her better all crazified, psychotic breaks aside. "Do you?"
River giggled and danced away, ignoring him.
"Feng le!" Jayne muttered under his breath as River wandered out of the cargo bay. He continued to clean Vera, allowing his mind to drift to nicer thoughts.
Jayne was not sweet on Kaylee, no matter what River said. It was just being cooped up on Serenity for so long. Maybe he'd ask Mal about a few days of leave, next they were planetside.
Certainly Kaylee had nothing to do with Jayne sitting in the kitchen at 0300 hours, shooting cheap hooch like he wanted to sleep for a week.
He watched for a few minutes while Kaylee poked around for a snack. She was wearing a Chinese silk robe, like something Simon's mother would probably wear, but Jayne liked it on her. He'd like it even more on the floor next to his bunk, he thought.
"You bedding the doc now, eh?"
"Wo de ma! Jayne, what are you doing?" Kaylee almost dropped the protein bar in her hand.
Jayne downed another shot. "Waitin' up," he said.
"For me?" Her eyes were enormous, and she was starting to get a little frown line between her eyebrows. Pretty eyebrows, Jayne thought drunkenly.
He was beginning to wonder if he could get back to his bunk without aid or if he'd wake to Mal yelling at him in the morning. He lurched to his feet, but managed to stabilize himself.
Kaylee started giggling.
"I'm funny, eh?" Jayne scowled. "You bedding him regular-like?"
She blushed. "None of your gorram business, Jayne. Why the sudden interest, anyway?"
"He'll leave, you know." Jayne wobbled a little bit, and steadied himself with the mess table. "He's too rich for the likes of us. Always looking down 'is nose."
"Wasn't asking about Simon," Kaylee said. She was backing slowly away from him.
"Ask River," Jayne slurred, and stumbled out into the hallway, towards his bunk and another night of frustrated jerking off, if he could stay awake long enough.
"You look messy," River said.
"I took a shower last week."
"You've a lean cheek, a blue eye and sunken, a beard neglected," she said, poking at Jayne's face. "Well, a brown eye, and I think it's always sunken." She frowned. "Then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe untied and every thing about you demonstrating a careless desolation."
"My what what? What in rutting hell are you on about now?" Jayne batted at her hands. "I don't think I have any hose."
River wrinkled her nose at him. "I think you should shower again, though. Kaylee likes men who smell good."
"...Jayne..."
Jayne perked up his ears. Why were Kaylee and Inara talking about him?
Kaylee did look better in a grease-spattered coverall than any woman he'd ever met. He let his gaze linger on her chest before moving to her face. She blushed. Jayne was starting to like Kaylee's blushes. Made him wonder how far down they went.
"Gorammit, Jayne! Keep your end up!" Mal said, hitching his end of the crate higher. "Don�t know if you comprehend that I need my foot. Helps keep me upright."
Mal followed Jayne's line of sight and his face darkened. "Don't even think about it. There's plenty more where you came from."
"Sorry," Jayne mumbled. "Just looking."
"See that you keep it that way."
Simon left Serenity at Dyton, and took his crazy sister with him, to Jayne's rejoicing. Jayne brought out his good hooch in celebration. Maybe he could get Kaylee to share it with him if she stopped by for a late-night snack again.
He'd asked Inara what she'd been talking about with Kaylee in the cargo bay. Inara had called him a fangzong fengkuang de jie and then given him that superior little smile she liked so much before swishing away in her fancy silks and perfume.
Still, Jayne thought he had a pretty good idea, from the way Kaylee had been blushing. He didn't take Mal's threats much to heart; Kaylee'd bring him around.
"Took you long enough," he said when Kaylee reached the kitchen door.
"Um," she said, eyes wide. She was wearing the little silk robe again, a flash of pale thigh showing. Jayne could think of a lot of things he'd like to do with her thighs, startin' with wrapping them around his waist.
"You miss the doc?" he said.
"Not much," Kaylee said. "He was fun, but there was always a gap between us, you know? Him and his fancy life and me'n'Serenity. He'll do real shiny on Dyton, I think."
She took a deep breath, her breasts shifting interestingly under her robe. "I miss him a little at night, though." She was blushing again.
Jayne liked it when she blushed. It made him want to do all sorts of naughty things.
"Good," Jayne said, and stepped towards her. He pressed her against the bulkhead with his body and she wriggled and moaned a little in her throat, breathily. "What were you waitin' up for tonight?"
"Strawberries," she said, and grinned at him like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth as she started unbuckling his belt. "Just strawberries."
Citation:
Some of River's dialogue is paraphrased and quoted from Shakespeare's As You Like It, Act III, scene II. The original scene is as follows:
ROSALIND: There is none of my uncle's marks upon you: he
taught me how to know a man in love; in which cage
of rushes I am sure you are not prisoner.ORLANDO: What were his marks?
ROSALIND: A lean cheek, which you have not, a blue eye and
sunken, which you have not, an unquestionable
spirit, which you have not, a beard neglected,
which you have not; but I pardon you for that, for
simply your having in beard is a younger brother's
revenue: then your hose should be ungartered, your
bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe
untied and every thing about you demonstrating a
careless desolation; but you are no such man; you
are rather point-device in your accoutrements as
loving yourself than seeming the lover of any other.
Translations:
Translations are from The Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary, as follows:
feng le - loopy in the head
wo de ma - Mother of God
fangzong fengkuang de jie - knot of self indulgent lunacy.
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