I had no intention of writing Eroica fic yet, but I had a silly idea. They are always silly ideas, somehow.
For stungunbilly, who asked for Eroica, Klaus/Dorian, with the sudden imposition of monkeys.
* * *
Friends of Dorothy
* * *
A monkey spiralled down out of the sky.
"Oh, well-shot," said Dorian approvingly.
Major Eberbach reloaded his gun, glowering -- at the gun for having the temerity of running out of clips, at Eroica for being Eroica, at the world in general for allowing unscrupulous thieves and nonsensical simians to proliferate in it, but most of all, at the phalanx of rabid flying monkeys bearing down on them.
It wasn't the danger that annoyed him, though that was real and present, as the blood dripping from more than one monkey's paws testified. It was the lack of decorum of it. Klaus felt obscurely insulted. Flying monkeys did not suit his sense of dignity.
"This is ridiculous," he growled. He picked off another monkey to relieve his feelings. Indignant shrieks rang out above them.
Dorian could not but agree.
"But there's something rather sublime in its ridiculousness, don't you think?" he said hopefully. "Not many people can boast of being surrounded by a troop of flying monkeys."
The Major answered this with the chilly silence it deserved. Dorian deflated. It wasn't usually easy to prick his spirits, but really, flying monkeys were going too far. It was one thing to die by the side of his brave Major in a hail of bullets fired by Russian spies, quite another to be torn apart by monkeys.
He considered making a comparison with the Maenads, but another look at the creatures diving periodically at them discouraged him. They had fleas.
"This is all your fault," said Klaus. He was scowling, though admittedly this was no great change from his normal expression.
"Oh, really, darling," Dorian protested. "Even you can't blame me for this. Flying monkeys aren't my style at all."
"If you had not stolen those idiotic red shoes from the dead witch -- "
"-- those amusing little people told me to take them!"
"-- we would not have incurred this witch's displeasure, and if you had not declared the purpose of our mission -- "
"-- I didn't -- "
"-- she would not have lost her temper and sent her creatures after us," finished the Major immovably. "Now you have announced the reason for our presence here, our chances of rescuing the girl are considerably diminished."
He paused, then said in a voice throbbing with sincere, whole-hearted feeling,
"You are an idiot."
He glared at the sky, and took aim again.
"That's not at all what I meant when I said we were friends of Dorothy, and you know it," said Dorian.
Another two monkeys fell squawking to the ground.
"Tell that to the witch," said Klaus. "Pervert."